The Peesurance Urine Difference

We never use synthetic urine, chemicals or any artificial substances

Many of our competitors offer synthetic urine made from a stew of quasi-urinary components, which may work in some cases, but it’s not the real thing. Those chemical solutions aren’t even cheaper than the real thing, and tests are growing more sophisticated by the day, so even if that fake pee method worked in the past, it won’t help you pay for your house when you lose your job because of newer, more sophisticated testing methods.

We never use animal urine

Animal urine is very, very cheap. In fact, you can cull it from your own household canine, unless he got himself such a second-hand high that his wouldn’t pass either. The real problem is that human and animal urine are very different in terms of chemical composition. Do not purchase animal urine unless you want to fail your test. The bulk of the cost comes from the distribution method and packaging, so the savings you’ll enjoy will be so small that the risk of your job or freedom simply can’t compare.

Our urine specimen are specially treated to never require freezing

Many of our competitors sell urine that requires freezing or refrigeration. That’s ridiculous! Urine is supposed to be a sterile fluid, and when it’s harvested from trusted providers in a “clinical” environment under strict collection guidelines, it WILL BE STERILE. If you meet a urine monger who tells you that you need to refrigerate the product, you need to consider what is wrong with it. Saline solution, used for contact lenses, is also sterile, as is hydrogen peroxide, vinegar, olive oil and parmesan cheese. If you found somebody who could sell you peanut butter for a small discount, but you had to put it in the refrigerator, would you buy it? Of course not, you’d rip the bread apart when you tried to put it on your sandwich. You wouldn’t want to ruin your lunch, why would you destroy your career, freedom or the custody of your kids in such a way?

We always match the urine by gender

There are only a few providers online that provide genuine, authentic human urine, but none that are willing to disclose their collection factory methods. We tell you where we get it, and how; we gather our urine from American sources. If the urine you crave is under any serious scrutiny – which it obviously is or you wouldn’t be buying it from us – the gender of the donor matters a lot. We allow you to pick the resultant gender of the urine sample you purchase, so that it can perfectly match your own expected hormone levels in the case that they’re checked.

Our prices are always affordable

Even though we charge more than most of our competitors (both online and offline), we offer a level of product quality that nobody else even comes close to. Consider that we may charge $40 more for the same sample, but our samples NEVER get flagged for decline. How much money will you earn on that next pay check? Even if you are taken off work for a week and then reinstated, you’ve surely lost $600 to $1,200 in the mean time. Now how much does the cost of our extra $40 sound in comparison to that?

Your privacy is always guaranteed

Some companies and web sites hint at the security of your privacy, but we guarantee it. Once we receive back the signed receipt of goods, we destroy your records. The only tracking from that point would come down to your own computer and bank records, which we can never help “the man” hold against your, since we don’t know you and we retain no client records. Once your deal is done, your privacy is assured. That means we only have a record of you before you get the pee (no crime there,) and after you get it, we have no record of you… With Peesurance.com, you’re always protected.

Our results are always guaranteed

We don’t guarantee temperature, personal observation or pant leakage, but we always guarantee the chemical composition of our product with a full money back guarantee. If you ever fail your test based due to chemical composition (or don’t fail your test, if you bought pre-drugged piss), just mail us the result statement along with a copy of your e-receipt, and we will refund the full purchase price of your urine specimen purchase. We will not refund shipping charges for your purchase.

We will never try to sell you reconstituted urine crystals

Some of the “other” sites online, even some of the more “reputable” ones, try to take dehydrated urine crystals and pass them off as a viable substitute for the real thing. We would never do that to you, and you should accept no substitute for the real thing. Our bags are leak and odor proof, and the shipping weight is no big deal. Don’t take the risk of rehydrating urine. If you add too much or too little water, or the process is compromised by biotic elements, your investment will be wasted, and that’s a risk your life, livelihood, profession and freedom simply can’t take.

Sterile methods and advanced practices always make our product golden

Unlike our competitors, we take extremely proactive steps – even invasive steps – to guarantee our specimen are collected in the most advanced technological ways, immediately tested, sampled, handled and sterilized for storage. Unlike our competitors who say you have to “freeze it or it will go bad,” we know our product can survive 18-months on the shelf at room temperature (do not expose to direct sunlight or the enzymes will begin break-down). Our product supply chain is so stringent we can guarantee our product against sediment, discoloration and stench for a full 18-month period after purchase.

We never sell third-rate alternatives

We have one product sold in one configuration, and it’s the best. Some of our competitors have as many as ten different products ranging from cheap to expensive, but we only sell one class of products, and it’s the best. We don’t cut corners and we won’t let you either. This could be your career, inheritance or freedom on the line, and we’re not going to let you shoot yourself in the foot, as much a cheapo as you are.

Our temperatures are always within acceptable tolerances

We offer not one, but TWO (2) dry-heat chemical packs with every 300ml packet of human urine. This means that as long as you have a 20-30 minute lead time, you’ll always be able to crack a packet and get that juice up to temp in time for a deposit. You can always find 20-minutes, and usually while you’re driving from work to the place where they do the testing. And if they try to throw you for a loop and then make you wait another twenty hours in captivity, you don’t have to sweat it, because you’ve always got the backup heat pack on the other side of the pouch you can crack to bring it right back up to temperature. Between our two heat packs and the heat leeched from your own body by holding it close, it is virtually inconceivable that you’d give a specimen of outside of human temperature range.

So whether you’re looking to get a new job, keep the job you have, lock down the man you love, or fake out a room of your closest friends at that next intervention, you owe it to yourself and your prodigy to consider the benefits of Peesurance.com. We can’t offer you much, but will guarantee that your piss doesn’t test positive for drugs… or that it does… even if it also says you’re pregnant!