Where We Get Our Pee-roducts

In the first few months we were doing this, we struggled to find good sources for our products. We had some complaints and we had to put some very expensive surety methods in place, but today we have it figured out down to a science. Well, it’s science like a Tijuana boob job is surgery, but just the same, you’re almost assured to come out ahead and save a ton of money in the process.

Every member of our specimen providing network complies with the following:

• No illegal drugs, no alcohol, no nicotine and no prescription drugs. This means that even if a full test is performed, you won’t test positive for even anti-depressants or antihistamines. In cases of hot-test pee, we do require these drugs, but then test, label and segregate samples for the safety and security of your purchase.
• No blood or other biotic materials are ever permitted in the urine stream, and we test for them with every subject during every episode of provision. This assures you that no genetic samples are ever passed from donor to recipient, and that our shipments are free of biohazardous materials, and that you can’t catch anything from buying them.
• No pregnancy, or guaranteed pregnancy, but both sorts of samples are tested for quality assurance during every donation episode, from every donor. This assures you’ll get only the urine you require, and nothing else, regardless of what you want or why you want it.

We have what you might call a “community center” where we provide a variety of board games, table games and video game consoles, as well as unlimited coffee, tea and soft drinks. Most of our providers are retired, unemployed, college students or stay-at-home housewives. We only pay minimum wage, but the job only requires our United States based employees be on site and provide viable specimen for collection and sale.

Some of our providers are working on “the great American novel”, others are able-bodied persons who prefer to “work” in an environment where they can drink free Mountain Dew while watching Judge Judy, and others are simply laborers who don’t have decent employment opportunities at the current time.

BUT NONE ARE DRUGGIES! … or is she/you?

We also provide warm meals and clean needles (without government funding) for men and women willing to provide drug-specific, pregnancy-specific specimens as needed. We don’t judge them for the ailments that make them so thin and affordably available, but we do ask for their honesty, and because we test it, you can rest assured we get it.

We don’t farm out our collection practices overseas, and we don’t “dredge the bottom of the barrel”, and yet our prices remain competitive, even if what you’re looking for is urine to prove that you aren’t on drugs, that you are on drugs, or that you are (or are not) pregnant… unlike our competitors who only sell non-pregnant, non-drugged urine, we have every combination of urine to prove that you are, or aren’t, pregnant, or sterile, and that you’re on or off drugs like speed, coke or heroin… or that you aren’t, but that you may or may not still be pregnant!

We laboratory test all of our subjects samples after every visit, and we carefully label every specimen for the highest possible quality control. We test for infections, STDs, pregnancy and drug or alcohol adulteration, and if we find anything out of order, we don’t throw it away and begrudge our providers, we just move the sample to the correct shelf of the refrigerator. When it comes to your health, or what you’d like people around you to know about it, we just can’t be too cautious, and the difference you’ll enjoy isn’t just amazing, it’s the Peesurance.com difference!